all in my head
the mind is a funny thing, isn't it?
Sometimes it seems like our best friend, helping us figure out problems, plan ahead, learn new skills, and remember handy information.
But other times it can feel like our worst enemy. I’m sure you've had the experience of being “stuck in your head:”
You can’t fall asleep at night because the mind is racing like crazy.
You’re making breakfast but you're thinking about something totally different, so you pour orange juice instead of milk over your cereal.
You’re trying to make a decision, but your mind won’t stop going round and round, fighting for both sides.
We’ve all been there.
The mind is not a bad thing. It just has a limit. There are some things it can’t understand or know (like the future), and that makes it upset at times.
The danger of the mind lies in giving it all your power. When we let it run wild, it can pull us far away from our true being. It can come up with all kinds of stories about other people, situations, and most often, ourselves.
“You’re a failure if you don’t get this job”
“Don’t wear that outfit, you’re not skinny enough”
“Stop talking, no one cares what you have to say”
“You can’t do that… what will people think?!”
If we listen to these negative thoughts, they become reality to us. You start to fully believe you aren’t ‘enough’ or that people won’t accept you for who you are.
the head
When I went on my meditation retreat in May, I spent a lot of time with my mind.
The first few days were like a battle zone.
me: “Ommmmmm”
mind: “I wonder what gigs I have next weekend.. I hope I make enough money this month. What if….?!”
me: “Excuse me, I’m trying to MEDITATE”
mind: “I can’t believe you're wasting a whole week doing this silly retreat. We could have been so much more productive. And oh, all the money you’re throwing away on this…”
me: “Stop it! This is important to me. It’s worth it… I think.”
The mind would draw me in with these challenging thoughts and then I’d get trapped.
It felt like a sticky spider web. The harder you try to get out, the more stuck you get.
The second I would engage with the mind’s storytelling is when I would lose. If I gave the thoughts power, whether resisting them or listening to them, I would be pulled out of presence.
As the week went on, I started changing my perspective on the mind. It was not my enemy, but rather a very chatty friend. It didn’t know when to stop talking. In my meditation, I would pull my mind close beside me as it chatted and say, “Okay, we’re going to go on a little journey.” I would take the mind with me as I traveled deeper within myself. Thoughts, of course, would pop in. But I would just see them and let them fall away.
I realized that the mind is like a software program. It has learned ways of functioning and runs on autopilot. Some thoughts that seem like “ours” are actually from a learned collective consciousness: cultural, social, and religious beliefs. All of our thoughts murmur (or scream) under the surface as we go through our day, just like your computer software runs as you use your computer.
Quieting the mind means slowing down the operating system. You get to step back and see it for what it is. In stillness, I observed the common knots that my mind would get twisted into. Oh, the rabbit holes… I had believed them to be my reality, but they were stories ABOUT my reality. They were all just thoughts.
the heart
So, if I don’t listen to my mind, what am I supposed to do!?
As the Swedish pop hit by Roxette taught us, “Listen to your heart.” (Yes, I was singing that as I typed.)
I feel the heart is where love resides within us. If we can tune into love, our decisions are led by grace. The mind is often driven by fear and survival, but the pure heart is driven by love, an expansive energy.
However, I’m not suggesting that you ONLY use your heart. It’s not black and white.
We have three centers in the body: heart, head, and gut. Each center is important and they all work together.
The gut is our instinctual body intelligence, the mind is home to wisdom and information, and the heart holds love and passion.
Balance is necessary.
start thinking with your heart, stop thinking with your mind
This balance was not present in my past relationship. My partner was very head-centered and I was in the heart. We couldn't seem to see eye-to-eye or understand each other because we were both out of balance within ourselves. This imbalance caused many fights. “All In My Head” was written one night back in 2015 when I was particularly frustrated with our differences.
I have played this song live in many settings over the years: solo, full band, duo, and jazz trio. When bringing it to my producer, Tom Kendall Hughes, we bounced many ideas back and forth. It took a lot of time to nail down the soundscape, concept, and feel. We have been working on this song for over a year together.
I wanted the mood to be dark and mysterious. I wanted it to be driving and fierce. We enlisted the help of Tyler Carroll (bassist for Allen Stone) to lock in the groove with Tom Kendall on drums. My amazing musical brother in St. Louis, Ryan Marquez, then added some sweet keyboard parts. I had Trevor Torres lay down violin and viola parts in Long Beach, and Bjorn Ranheim record cello parts in St. Louis. Gracie Sprout was a magical addition with her beautiful harp playing. My awesome friend Marisa Rambaran sang killer backup vocals.
Tom pulled it all together with the extra percussion, production and mixing. Our mastering engineer was the fabulous Grammy-nominated Kelly Hibbert.
So I now present to you my homemade lyric video for “All In My Head”
Please save & share the song on your favorite streaming platform! Use the links below:
Spotify
iTunes/Apple Music
all other sources
I would love to hear your thoughts… from both your head and your heart. Hahaha.
Wishing you all peace and balance! Thank you for following and supporting my musical journey!